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I Needed Help
at a glance
witness:
Christina
gender:
Female
age:
35
occupation:
Single Mom with two kids, plus two kids lost
location:
Kingston, Ontario
agency:
City of Kingston & County of Frotenac Children's Aid Society
timeframe:
2002 - 2004
ministry:
Children and Youth Services Community and Social Services
minister:
Marie Bountrogianni (LIB) John Baird (PC)
This one is hard for me because as much as I blame the Children's Aid Society, I also blame myself.
This is as hurtfully honest as I can possibly be about myself. I still beg a god I don't believe in, every day, to forgive me, and to just let me see and speak to my children again before I die. I pray that I am not judged too harshly by some of the choices I made as a young, single mom. I realize that I was not performing my duties as a mom - not even close - but I want to emphasize how much I love my children, and have always loved my children - and most of all, how this experience has horrifically impacted my life. (I can't - and don't want to imagine - what this has done to my children who probably think that their mamma don't love them).
Everything was good in my life until I moved into the Compton St. housing project with my children. I was a single mom, my sons and I were almost like best friends. As far as I'm concerned, the bond we had was amazing. I was young, and I loved my little boys so much! It was always just me and them. And then I moved onto Compton St. - a housing complex in Kingston, Ontario, which was income-geared to "help" parents who could not afford market rent. Here is where, I think, everything took a turn for the worst in my life.
In order to understand my story fully, you have to be able to picture Rideau Heights. Its built almost entirely under an overpass, almost outside of town. It's only a few houses, but mostly low income town houses and apartments. There is no "traffic" for businesses, not even a grocery store nearby. In fact, there were no businesses except ONE at the time that I lived there. Yep, you guessed it. A bar. Before that, it was a bingo hall. Now, the reason I feel this is important is because, if you put a bingo hall, or a bar, in a residential neighbourhood that is predominantly poor, there is only one reason for it (all the people are on welfare).
Our municipalities build our towns, and sub-divisions with foresight (hence, the term “city planning committee”). They know WHO is going to live there, including what type of class, nationality, and so on, is going to shop there! They KNEW that low income people (sometimes desperate people) just MIGHT spend their money trying to strike it rich, or drink their despair away. Rideau Heights was a trap between the 1990's straight through to the mid 2000's, and it's still a trap for the CAS. They still patrol the apartment buildings, and town houses - just WATCHING for kids and parents to do something wrong.
I lived there maybe a year. My eldest son was 6, and my youngest son was 2. I have to admit, that once a trap like that is set, it's very hard to resist. I was, maybe, 25. A young, single mom with absolutely no supports. I was learning a new life. I saw other moms juggling a "party life" and a family life. I figured, hell, I could do it too. I couldn't juggle both lives. Plain and simple. The trap that was set had sprung. Right here, at this exact point in my life, EVERYTHING started to spiral out of control.
I started leaving my kids with babysitters and going to the bar with all the other parents at night. My kids started missing school. A lot of things started going wrong. Then, one night, the boyfriend I had at the time and I went to the bar. We came home, (my kids were already in bed - now that I think back on it, I should have made my babysitter stay the night) and for some reason my boyfriend and I started arguing. It turned bad. He smashed my windows out, threw me into the tub, caused a lot of damage, and hurt me. My neighbours called the cops.
I had already been in bed, or at least headed there, when the fight started. So, not expecting the police to show up (or a fight), I was naked. I was angry too. First of all, I had just been assaulted. The police offered me no help, nor did they suggest anything as far as protecting myself from any potential danger that my children and I could still be facing. He destroyed everything when he left, and I left everything until morning to clean up. He left, the police left, I went to sleep.
In the morning, I woke up, sent my eldest son outside to play in the neighbourhood, gave my youngest cookies, and sent him to his room to play. Then I sat down and I cried. By this point in my life, I just had EVERYTHING in my fridge and freezer go bad, so I didn't have a lot of food (we had a power outage across Ontario that summer and A LOT of people were without power for a week or more). I was still struggling. I was drinking at the bar, my boyfriend assaulted me and trashed my house, my toilet broke and was plugged, and the laundry was piled up - some dirty, on the basement floor, some clean (not folded and put away) on a chair in my living room. To say the least, things were piling up on me and no one was there to help.
CAS showed up at about 11, the morning after the fight. Two of them, with the police. I was evasive (of course!!) I didn't know how to ask for help and there was no one offering it. I was overwhelmed with my life, with being a single mom with little resources. I was drowning. Every day I was sinking lower and lower. They apprehended my children because of the state of my house (obviously). I am not disputing that I needed help. I needed help organizing my life, I needed help providing for my children what I could not do alone. I was NOT informed at the door that I could work things out and maybe get my kids back. It was AWAYS put to me like it was permanent from DAY ONE. Nobody ever asked me about placing my kids with family.
Since no one was there to help me out, I would often walk to my visits if I didn't have bus fare (CAS always seemed to schedule visits with my children at times when I didn't have money – as if they knew ahead of time). Often times when I arrived, my visits would be cancelled. They told me things like, "you get too emotional during your visits" and, “your children don't want to visit you anymore”. So my visits stopped. They had taken my kids. I started using drugs as well as drinking - cocaine, oxy's, meth, it didn't matter what drugs I did. No one was there anymore for me to worry about. No one was there anymore, period.
We went to court. I can't remember why I was not eligible for legal aid, but I couldn't get it. I spoke to duty council for a few minutes, then we went into court. I'm not sure what was said (I don't speak legal speak), but the judge, the CAS and their lawyers, and duty council went into judge's chambers. I was left standing in the courtroom by myself, in the same place where you stand as the defendant or whatever? They came back out and the judge said to me that it was in my best interest to sign my children over as crown wards for 6 months. I did what the judge told me to. Wasn't this the same as "ordering" me to? Anyway, the judgement was made. Time passed, no visits for me, the CAS rarely contacted me now that they had my kids. They told me what they wanted, but offered no services, no supports, not even any education on how to fix what was broken in my life – nor did they ever point me in a direction that may lead me there.
One day my worker called me and told me that my kids told her that they didn't want to come home. They were happy where they were. She told me that I would never see them again. I remember that day clearly. I started drinking shortly after she called me. I took a BUNCH of oxy's...not enough...and I left town shortly after. From there on in, everything was done without me. I was young. I really didn't know that I still had hope. I believed from day one that my children were gone and there was nothing I could do about it. It was proven to me time and time again - I would go to visits and the worker would say, “There is no visit today. You smell like booze.” Yet, I would stay sober for days waiting to see my boys! One time, I even demanded a police officer to breathalyze me. I was so angry! The worker refused. Instead, because I caused such a fuss, security removed me from CAS premises and I did not get to visit my boys. Another time the worker would say, “You are too emotional today, Christina, I don't think it's a good idea to visit today.” The funny thing is, I don't know how I could NOT be emotional. I KNOW that my life was FIXABLE. I know that I had a problem. I also know that I deserved someone to intervene and say “Hey, CHRISTINA!! WAKE THE F*** UP!!” But in no way did I deserve to pay forever for these mistakes, and that is what I'm doing.
EVERY day I cry for my children that I cannot hold, for children I cannot see. My heart REALLY does have a hole in it, that cannot be fixed. The years that were stolen from me can never be replaced. I will not see my children again until they are men. I did not agree to someone adopting my children!! I never gave them up WILLINGLY!! I never signed adoption papers. Yet, my children were adopted with NO ACCESS to me. My eldest son turned 16 this year. And I missed it. Their names have been changed. I don't even know who they are. I have no idea what kind of life they have lived. I don't know anything about them. I want to know! I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING TO HUG MY CHILDREN, AND TELL THEM THAT I DID LOVE THEM EVERY SINGLE DAY!!I want my 10 years back from CAS. I am not a different person now than I was 10 years ago, just better equipped to deal with life.
I have since had 2 more children that CAS "allows" me to raise. When things start falling apart (because they do), now I know how to get help. Ten years ago, I had no clue, and no one was telling me. I feel like some things in my case were done illegally, and I also feel like I was robbed. MY CHILDEN WERE ROBBED. I suffer now from PTSD, and anxiety attacks. My worst fear ever, is doing something wrong and losing my children again. Losing my children a second time, is not an option. I almost didn't make it through with my sanity the first time.
There has been many times (almost every night) that I miss my children so deeply that it actually hurts. It hurts my heart, it hurts my head, it hurts my soul. My family, everything I cared about was taken from me. There is no pain on earth like the pain of a parent losing their child. Nothing hurts as long or as deeply. No pain is as debilitating as the pain of losing a child. The adoption and apprehension of my children has left me messed up. I am afraid to date because I know what it can cost me if I misjudge my spouse. I am afraid of the children's doctors, school officials, family members, people in the community...I am afraid that every move I make will be reported to a CAS worker. I am afraid that if my children hurt themselves and I take them to a hospital, I will lose them (I know how easy it is). I am EVEN afraid that if my children repeat something they hear on TV, I will again have to live through the hell that I have lived for the past 10 years without my children. There is no convict who committed multiple murders and raped women and children and sitting on death row who has been punished as much as I have. And my punishment continues. It will not stop. I will have children who hate me for the rest of my life for abandoning them. But what's almost as bad, is that I will hate me for the rest of my life for failing them.
I wish more, than anything, that CAS would have left me a way to pick up the pieces of my life, and help me start again before it was too late. After all, "they try to work with the families”, right? So that no one has to go through what my children and I are still going through every day, right?
I have to mention here (because I failed to do so before) that I did try for a while to straighten things out, but they just kept getting worse. First, the kids were taken off my welfare cheque. So there was no rent or hydro being paid. Then, I lost my baby bonus and had to pay money back! Cuz they sent me a check before they knew the kids were apprehended. Once I lost all my income, I lost proper accommodation for my children. There was NO WAY for me to afford anything larger than a bachelor apartment. This meant that I was stuck. I could not afford to rent anything bigger until I got my children back, but I was not getting my children back until I could rent something bigger. (Remember, I was forced to move out of our town house that was adequate, because I could no longer pay for it. I lived there alone for three months with no income, and no hydro after I lost the kids).
I was so lost. CAS provided no direction, and no help. My "last visit" was never set up. I never got to say good-bye to my children. They never got to see my tears and hear me tell them that I love them, before they went to live with another family for the rest of their lives.
Forced to Quit CAS for Outing a Lying Baby Snatcher
witness:
Amanda , Anonymous
gender:
Female
age:
45
occupation:
Former Admin Assistant at CAS for 10 yrs
location:
Ontario
agency:
Children's Aid Society
timeframe:
2003 - 2011
ministry:
Children and Youth Services Community and Social Services
minister:
Laurel Broten (LIB) Deb Matthews (LIB) Marie Bountrogianni (LIB) Mary Anne Chambers (LIB)
CAS Hospital Nightmare over Pain Meds
witness:
Brenda
gender:
Female
age:
34
occupation:
Diploma in Admin Assistant, 15 yrs as Pre-school Teacher's Assistant
location:
Kitchener, Ontario
timeframe:
2006
ministry:
Children and Youth Services
minister:
Deb Matthews (LIB)
We Ended Up Going Bankrupt Fighting CAS In Court
witness:
Carol
gender:
Female
age:
47
occupation:
Mother to 9 children
location:
Thunder Bay, Ontario
agency:
Children's Aid Society of the District of Thunder Bay
timeframe:
1997 - 2001
ministry:
Community and Social Services
minister:
Janet Ecker (PC) John Baird (PC)
I Lost My Sons for Refusing CAS Worker Sexual Favours
witness:
Cassandra
gender:
Female
age:
43
occupation:
Associate of Arts Degree, Social Service Worker Cert, presently in 3rd year University (Psychology)
location:
Atikokan, Ontario
agency:
Family and Children's Services of the District of Rainy River
timeframe:
2004 - 2011
ministry:
Children and Youth Services
minister:
Laurel Broten (LIB) Dr. Eric Hoskins (LIB) Deb Matthews (LIB) Marie Bountrogianni (LIB) Mary Anne Chambers (LIB)
I Was Never Encouraged to Bring Children into Care
witness:
Denise
gender:
Female
age:
47
occupation:
Former CAS Social Worker, Therapist
location:
Toronto, Ontario
agency:
Catholic Children's Aid Society of Toronto
timeframe:
1990 - 2011
ministry:
Children and Youth Services Community and Social Services
minister:
Laurel Broten (LIB) Deb Matthews (LIB) Marie Bountrogianni (LIB) Mary Anne Chambers (LIB) Janet Ecker (PC) John Baird (PC) John Beer (LIB) Zanana Akande (NDP) Marion Boyd (NDP) Tony Silipo (NDP) David Tsubouchi (PC)
Free Ride For Pedophiles
witness:
Christina
gender:
Female
age:
35
occupation:
Single Mom with two kids
location:
Kingston, Ontario
agency:
City of Kingston & County of Frotenac Children's Aid Society
timeframe:
2010 - 2012
ministry:
Children and Youth Services
minister:
Laurel Broten (LIB) Dr. Eric Hoskins (LIB)
For Love or Money?
witness:
Alain
gender:
Male
age:
37
occupation:
Adoptive Parent, Sr Statistical Clerk @ Stats Canada
location:
Ontario
agency:
Children's Aid Society of the United Counties of Stormont, Dundas & Glengarry
timeframe:
2006 - 2009
ministry:
Children and Youth Services
minister:
Laurel Broten (LIB) Deb Matthews (LIB) Mary Anne Chambers (LIB)
CAS Took Her From The Birthing Room
witness:
Bonnie
gender:
Female
age:
36
occupation:
warehouse worker/ shipper/reciever childcare provider/ house cleaner
location:
Ontario
agency:
Children's Aid Society of Hamilton
timeframe:
2009 - ONGOING
ministry:
Children and Youth Services
minister:
Laurel Broten (LIB) Dr. Eric Hoskins (LIB) Deb Matthews (LIB)
I Needed Help
witness:
Christina
gender:
Female
age:
35
occupation:
Single Mom with two kids, plus two kids lost
location:
Kingston, Ontario
agency:
City of Kingston & County of Frotenac Children's Aid Society
timeframe:
2002 - 2004
ministry:
Children and Youth Services Community and Social Services
minister:
Marie Bountrogianni (LIB) John Baird (PC)
The Children's Aid Society Failed to Protect Me
witness:
Shannon
gender:
Female
age:
35
occupation:
Mother of 2 on Ontario Disability Program
location:
Toronto, Ontario
agency:
Catholic Children's Aid Society of Toronto
timeframe:
1983 - PRESENT
ministry:
Children and Youth Services Community and Social Services
minister:
Laurel Broten (LIB) Dr. Eric Hoskins (LIB) Deb Matthews (LIB) Marie Bountrogianni (LIB) Mary Anne Chambers (LIB) Janet Ecker (PC) John Baird (PC) John Beer (LIB) Zanana Akande (NDP) Marion Boyd (NDP) Tony Silipo (NDP) David Tsubouchi (PC) Bruce McCaffrey (PC) James Francis Drea (PC) Robert Elgie (PC) Ernie Eves (PC) John Sweeney (LIB)
Stop Taking My Kids Without Giving Me A Chance
witness:
Ashley
gender:
Female
age:
28
occupation:
Mother, College Student (studying to be a personal support worker (PSW))
location:
Ontario
agency:
Children's Aid Society of Owen Sound and the County of Grey
timeframe:
2004 - ONGOING
ministry:
Children and Youth Services
minister:
Laurel Broten (LIB) Dr. Eric Hoskins (LIB) Deb Matthews (LIB) Marie Bountrogianni (LIB) Mary Anne Chambers (LIB)
CAS Broke Court Order & Kept My Special-Needs Daughter
witness:
Kimberley Cruise
gender:
Female
age:
39
occupation:
Stay-At-Home Mom and Child Care Provider
location:
Newmarket, Ontario
agency:
York Region Children's Aid Society
timeframe:
2008 - ONGOING
ministry:
Children and Youth Services
minister:
Laurel Broten (LIB) Dr. Eric Hoskins (LIB) Deb Matthews (LIB)
Mommy's Song
witness:
Anonymous
gender:
Female
age:
26
occupation:
Worked in a daycare prior to apprehension
location:
Dryden, Ontario
agency:
Kenora-Patricia Child and Family Services
timeframe:
2006 - ONGOING
minister:
Laurel Broten (LIB) Dr. Eric Hoskins (LIB) Deb Matthews (LIB) Mary Anne Chambers (LIB)
A Father's Story
gender:
Male
age:
45
occupation:
Security Company Owner
location:
Ontario
agency:
Durham Children's Aid society
timeframe:
1996
minister:
Janet Ecker (PC) David Tsubouchi (PC)
Brant Children's Aid Abducted & Abused My Grandson